004 Holiday Celebratory Retrospective!

Whew, what a year! Well, it's over now! Today, we'll take the time to breathe, relax, laugh, celebrate, and look back on this wild, exhausting year. Gratitude to my patrons, a 2020 favorites list, dad jokes, and answers to your burning holiday questions ahead!

Resources mentioned in this episode

Irresistible's episode with adrienne maree brown on New Year's spellcasting (Apple Podcasts)
Dinner For One short (YouTube)

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Nichole [00:00:11] Welcome to Pynk Spots, a queer anarchist space where we smash the patriarchy by celebrating what is strong about being soft. Here we'll explore what is vulnerable, raw, hurt, healed, sensual, queer and controversial. So join me and my friends from around the internet as we talk about deep shit and prove, as Janelle Monáe said, that pink is the truth you can't hide.

Nichole [00:00:46] Hello everyone. Welcome to my holiday special. I'm so excited. So in thinking about what to do today, I cannot think of anything more perfect than an over-the-top PowerPoint presentation. So, that's what you got. Today I'm going to go over, so first of all I'm going to do a thank you to everyone who contributed to my fundraiser that you all held. Also acknowledge all the patrons that I've had in the last several months. I'm going to answer some questions that were submitted. I'm going to talk about some of my favorite things from 2020, and then I'll have some very loose tangential thoughts at the end of just looking back over 2020 and looking forward to 2021.

Nichole [00:01:45] So we're going to try a thing, we're going to see how it goes. I have some music. Oh no, why aren't you seeing the slide? All right, hold on a second. I may have an overlay situation. I don't know why it's not showing that, let me try to share. That's not the one... You gotta love of technical issues. OK, there it is! All right, so let me know if you can hear the music, because I'm trying to make it a little bit more fun to read out all of these amazing names. Can you hear that, and is it too loud? [music playing]

Nichole [00:02:56] OK cool. All right, so this is everybody who contributed, who's either been a patron, who has donated through PayPal, or who specifically donated to my fundraiser that was held by a few of my wonderful children. So we've got Sarah. Sarah, I apologize, I should have grabbed your last initial. You were the first person up so this is a Sarah for all the Sarah's. Meghan, Lana, Ashlea, Ben S, Alex, Ailsa, Malene, Dannica, Jasper, Bre, Ana, Rowan, Latasha, Megan K, Jessica K, Patricia, William, Carolyn, Stefanie, Anna, Deby, Cait, Chanel -hey Chanel! - Caley, Maria, Kristyn, Kevin, my girl Mohera, Carissa, Stefanie L, Marissa - oh Maria S, excuse me.

Nichole [00:04:03] Eve, Chelsea, Daniel K, Tabitha, Daniel C, Noah, Loretta, Elaine, Alexander, Betty, Yikes - my favorite name on here. Lynda, Maddie, Sara G, Daniel S, Jessica G, Joshua, Dave S, Belinda, Madison, Lara, Kayla, Kirstie, Collin, Jason, Arun, Kristina K, Melissa H, Danielle D, Denise, Bertie - sup Bertie - Christella, Riikka, Planet-Jordan, Emily D, Ben M, we've got all the Bens on here. Holly, Marja - I know I'm saying that wrong, Mariah? Jessica W, Pia, Jessica W who's a different Jessica W, I double checked. Zoe, Caitlin, Ayoola, Ben G, Becky K. Of course Everett, Dave M, Jordann, Sarah M, my favorite son Landon, Nahian, Kayla, Moira, Dimitry, Kreeta, Ashley B, Lil Dostine, and Roxan.

Nichole [00:05:19] So just a huge enormous thank you to everyone. This was an amazing event in my life. This really restored my faith in humanity and my ability to think that other people give a shit about me. So I want to say and a special, very sincere thank you to Everett, Landon, Mohera, Kevli, Cordie, GapNap, Dimitry and Marma. I know that you all had a specific hand in helping to organize the fundraiser for my housing. And you all raised enough money that I was actually able to cover my rent for a few months and it took a lot of pressure off of me and gave me quite a bit of breathing room to be able to, you know, not be in a full state of panic, which was wonderful. So thank you all so very much.

Nichole [00:06:12] All right, let me check and make sure, yes, this is working. So also what we have today is a lot of dad jokes. And I've got a new hat. I don't know if you can tell what it says, but it's got a kitten on it and it says, "Are you kitten me?" I love it. I've been wearing it everywhere. So this is now officially my dad joke hat. What do you call a wreath made of one hundred dollar bills? A wreath-a-Franklin's. Do you get it? So thank you to Rose for this amazing dad joke. I thought it was the best and it was very appropriate to the holiday.

Nichole [00:06:57] All right so moving on, we're going to get into my favorite things of 2020. So I know we don't often talk about food on this channel, but I do have to say; Beyond Beef, the ground beef, not new to 2020, however I had a packet of it frozen in my freezer for what feels like five years and I finally decided to pull it out and make meatballs with it. And holy shit, it's the best thing I've ever eaten in my life, I'm obsessed. I know that Beyond Meet now has meatball's, however mine are better. And I've been joking with my friends that I'm going to start calling myself Nicky Meatballs and have a meatball company. But so good, and if anyone's interested, all I do is take the ground beef, put in some chopped up celery and onions, a little bit of Cajun seasoning cause that's how I roll, and some parsley, fry em up and they're amazing.

Nichole [00:07:58] To more artistic endeavors. For music, I have to say, problematic fave we all know, Miley Cyrus. Plastic Hearts, album of the year. My girl As Told by Kenya agrees with me on this. So fucking good. And also Megan Thee Stallion's Good News album, incredible. Chef's kiss. So these have both been giving me life. Midnight Sky honestly has made my entire year. I've listened to it about five hundred times. I think it's amazing. And Megan Thee Stallion has some lyrics on this album that like, get me like hysterical every time I hear them. It's so good. It's like everything's a bop, everything's amazing. Love it.

Nichole [00:08:46] For TV, I decided to pick a theme because there was so much good TV this year, but I picked all shows that ended in 2020 but had amazing final seasons. So we've got The Good Place, She-Ra, BoJack Horseman, and Schitt's Creek. All of these amazing shows ended this year and all of them ended on a high note. Great last seasons, ended in the best way and I'm just so grateful to each of these shows because I feel like they each gave me something. I feel like The Good Place, the ending was really emotional for me. She-Ra and Schitt's Creek obviously giving me queer representation. And BoJack Horseman finally giving us a representation of, like, you know, a problematic dude that's actually processed in a good and healthy way. So farewell to all of my favorites, I've loved you dearly. I will miss you, I will rewatch you. But thank you for having actually great short runs of good quality content.

Nichole [00:09:55] Movies. This was a tough one because a lot of the movies I watched that I liked weren't released this year, but I did have two that I wanted to pick and they're wildly different ends of the spectrum. So, I'm Thinking of Ending Things. I will be honest, I actually hate this movie, but I obsessively thought about it and like watched and read every analysis of it I could find. So for that I had to give it like, I highly recommend that people watch it. It's very cerebral. It's very... It's almost kind of inaccessible, which is what I hated about it, but also what I loved about it. Very well acted, very amazingly filmed, so great, amazing movie.

Nichole [00:10:40] On the other end of the spectrum, if you're looking for something that is just fucking fun, vin Diesel's Bloodshot was like the most surprise movie I watched this year. And that's because I think about the first, say 15 minutes of it, it's literally the worst movie I've ever seen and I almost turned it off. It was like one of those not bad in a good way, just bad in a bad way. And I actually was seeking out like bad cheesy movies at the time so this says a lot. I was like, this is so ridiculous, this is so many cliches, this is super boring. And thank God I left it on for whatever reason, because then all of a sudden it changes and the reasons it was bad makes sense. And I don't want to spoil anything, but all I'm going to say is it's basically like The Bourne movies meets like Cabin in the Woods, and if you're not intrigued by that, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to recommend media to you because I just thought it was so good. It was so fun. It's definitely like, you know, actiony kind of thing but it has like a deep sci-fi sort of twist to it and it's just amazing. So I recommend you watch it if you're looking for something fun.

Nichole [00:12:02] Oh, and not on here, but I did want to mention because it wasn't released in 2020. But I finally watched Frozen 2 and I don't even know how that movie got green-lit. It is so good, has such a great anticolonialism message. So if you haven't seen it because you tend to avoid Disney movies like I do, it's amazing.

Nichole [00:12:26] And then, I think this is the last one, I was asked if I had any favorite games this year. And unfortunately, because of covid, I wasn't able to play board games with my friends. I know my friends actually have a few new games that we haven't played together yet. So I didn't have any board games to recommend. And I've been on a nostalgia journey so I've been replaying games like World of Warcraft and Master of Orion and the older Final Fantasy's. So this was only one that actually came out this year that I played, called Spiritfarer. And my dear friend Christian actually gifted this to me, which is very sweet of him. He played it and he's like - my ring just flew off my finger. Well, anyway, that's what you get for wearing old jewelry. My friend Christian played it and was like, I think you would like it. And I was like, oh it sounds really cool, I'll check it out. And then I had a little message on Steam of like, oh this person gifted you a game. And I was like, how wonderful. This is so lovely.

Nichole [00:13:31] So Spiritfarer is kind of, let me see, it's described as a cozy management game about dying. Which, you know, again, if you're not intrigued, I don't know how to get to you. So you, it's kind of like a mild platformer. You sort of run around, you build up a ship, you collect people and you help get them to the afterlife. It's got some really good messages about consent and also just sort of like personal journeys and some ideas around dying and death and what that means. It's not a perfect game. I will say I actually have a lot of critiques of this game. And the biggest one generally is that it feels very rushed, like there's a lot of stuff introduced in the beginning that is really intriguing, and then it kind of isn't really fleshed out. Some of the mechanics sort of fall apart later in the game.

Nichole [00:14:31] But I still recommend it because I think it's really exciting. I think it's doing something new and the graphics are so beautiful. It's one of the most beautiful games I've ever played in my life just visually. The controls are really smooth and really fun. So even though I do have a lot of critiques about how the game itself played out in full, I still would buy something else from this development company in a heartbeat. So most exciting game of 2020 that I tried and that I saw is one of the few on Steam that I didn't end up returning because I hated it. So those are my favorite things of 2020.

Nichole [00:15:14] So moving on, we have a series, I don't know if you all are ready for this, but we've got a series of dad jokes. So these are going to be about me because I am your mother. So instead of "yo momma" jokes, I'm going to tell a series of "your mother's so old" jokes.

Nichole [00:15:41] So your mother's so old, in history class I just wrote down what I was doing.

Nichole [00:15:48] Your mother's so old that my last name is Asaurus, which honestly would be just the best thing that could ever happen to me because I'm obsessed with dinosaurs.

Nichole [00:16:00] Your mother's so old, I walked out of the museum and the alarm went off.

Nichole [00:16:06] Your mother's so old, I was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Nichole [00:16:11] And my absolute favorite one: your mother's so old, my birth certificate says expired.

Nichole [00:16:19] So thanks to Key and Peele for the first and second jokes, and then the rest of them I got off the illustrious interwebs.

Nichole [00:16:30] All right, so we're really into the vegan meat and potatoes of this presentation. I got so many amazing end of the year questions from people. I was really excited because I didn't think I was going to get any at first, and then you all came through in the final hours and got me a lot of really cool stuff. So we're going to start off with a really light and airy question by Dorantes137. I got this from Instagram so that's a handle. "How transparent will racism be in 2021?" Just a light little question for us. So I decided to look to leadership to answer this question, and I pulled some tweets from Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to let us know, like what is racism going to look like in 2021?

Nichole [00:17:28] So, you know, Joe here, "Jill and I send our heartfelt wishes to everyone celebrating Kwanzaa. We hope these days of reflection on the seven principles and the rich heritage of African-American culture bring peace, unity and joy." So there we go. Right, we're getting some great multicultural holiday representation from Joe. Joe says, "Let me be clear. The United States has always set an example in the world for peaceful transition of power, and we will do so again." So I think we can all rest easy our concerns about imperialism. You know, Joe's out here saying, hey, we've always been in the forefront of peaceful transition of power globally, we're known for it, sort of our thing, and that's going to continue to happen.

Nichole [00:18:14] So, Kamala Harris says, "Black folks, Latinos, Asian-Americans and our indigenous brothers, sisters and friends are more likely to die from covid-19. I fully trust our public health experts, which is why I will be getting the vaccine next week." She also tweets, "This is what leadership looks like." Where Joe tweeted, "Today, I received the covid-19 vaccine." And, you know, I think this is great. She's pointing out that these certain communities are more susceptible, which is why the health standards are giving those people vaccines first, right? Oh, wait. No, no they're not. It's only rich people who get the vaccine first, and health care workers as they should. And then Joe Biden says, "In one month, we begin to heal." So I really think that says all we need to know about what 2021 is going to look like, is going to be Joe Biden healing the country with empty tweets.

Nichole [00:19:18] So anyway, in a less tongue in cheek way, I think that this is a really good question. And I think the honest answer is that it's going to be very transparent to the people who understand how systems of oppression work and to people experiencing them. I think it's going to be very opaque to people who don't want to see it and to people who want to feel like things are OK now because Trump is not our president. That's probably a pretty obvious answer. But I just feel like these tweets say it all, they really do to me. This is the kind of leadership we're going to get.

Nichole [00:20:04] Like I do mean it, for Harris to point out that these certain communities are more susceptible to covid is something we should be talking about. But it's like, why? Why are they more susceptible? It's not just some magical thing where it just happens, you know, to target them in a specific way. It's because of the structural oppressions that they suffer and their lack of things, lack of access to things like health care. And for her to tweet something like that but then to see that these aren't people who are going to get resources, like a vaccine, before ahead of other like, say middle class white people who are less susceptible, it's all just empty bullshit. So thank you, Dorantes, that was a wonderful question. It was a big question and it allowed me to do something kind of fun. I did want to barf being on both of their Twitter feeds though. It was rough. It was really, really rough.

Nichole [00:21:07] All right, so Maijamaffs, I hope I'm saying that right, asked, "Don't fireworks suck? Not even for woke reasons, just as an experience." And I want to say, yeah. I mean, they're the perfect symbol for the United States, which is, you know, they're loud, they're flashy, they're environmentally damaging and a massive waste of money. It's just Uncle Sam blowing his big red, white and blue load all over the sky, wasting a ton of money, making puppies cry. And, you know, then we have people going hungry while we're spending millions as a nation on these displays of power and luxury. So, yeah I agree. As you said, not even for woke reasons but just an experience. I think for a lot of people and a lot of animals, fireworks are just the worst.

Nichole [00:22:08] Eliiwylde asked, "Advice for being single/alone on the holidays?" For this one, it's hard for me a little bit because I enjoy being alone, especially on the holidays. This stems from not just because I'm a little Grinch, but it stems from honestly having the experience of not really having family. And a lot of people would feel bad for me, even though I didn't feel bad, and would essentially force me to attend their holiday functions with them. And I would just be miserable the whole time. You know, a lot of people's families are not necessarily healthy or like each other very much so a lot of times I would discover that this pity invite would actually end up being them wanting me to be a buffer in between them and family members that they didn't like very much. So that was not fun for me and would honestly make me feel more lonely and more rejected than it would for me to just spend the day alone.

Nichole [00:23:18] So I kind of very early on started to see the holidays as a way to just celebrate loving to be alone, getting a break. I also had to work two and three jobs for a very long time and I had to work most holidays because I was in service jobs. So that's another thing for me, is that, like it's incredibly luxurious to me to have holidays off. Even still like to have New Year's Eve off is like, are you kidding me? So that may not be helpful. That's just my background. But what I have found can be really fun is to make the day about the stuff that might be hard to do if you're around other people. I think making it a day that is physically very enjoyable is really important. I try to wear like my most comfortable things. Even if I try to dress up a little bit, I might put on like my favorite sweater, my favorite pair of jeans. You may do, like if it makes you feel good, you may still put on some makeup or have some way of getting dressed up a little bit to note the day for yourself. A lot of times for me, it's a fun day to just stay in my jammies all day.

Nichole [00:24:31] I tend to make my favorite foods for myself. I think for a lot of people, I've heard a lot of my friends say that they don't like to cook for themselves, it feels like a waste. So I think if you can reclaim that and say like, oh it's actually this great act of self-love for me to make a special meal for myself on this day, that can be really, really helpful. And really enjoy it. Like sit and enjoy the meal and think about, like, how you're treating yourself and how you're nurturing yourself with this meal. I think that can be really important. I also try to do, so like for me, I might like play video games all day because, you know, in the past when I've lived with other people, be it roommates or partners, that's something that might get kind of judged. You know, people are like, are you still doing that? And it's like, yes bitch, I'm autistic, I'm going to be doing this for 72 hours straight. Get used to it.

Nichole [00:25:33] So, or you know, watch, like do a marathon of your favorite movies and movies that make you feel good. One of my favorite movies that I'm deeply fucking embarrassed about is While You Were Sleeping. It is such a trash movie. Everything about it is against like everything I believe in. Bill Pullman in that movie is such an asshole and we're supposed to see him as like the, you know, love interest. But it has this element to it of like becoming part of someone else's family and then being really afraid of that rejection. And I do, like some of the family members I think are very funny and I feel very affectionately towards them. So that's the kind of movie that I'll watch by myself, because any time I try to watch it with someone else, they're like, this movie is shit. I can tell they're so bored the whole time and just like judging it. So it's a nice one to watch when I'm alone just to be like, you know, I'm just going to revel in how much I love this movie and not judge it, not feel bad about it.

Nichole [00:26:36] So I think stuff like that. Setting new traditions for yourself can be really helpful and stuff that you truly look forward to, whatever that looks like for you. I just think it's really easy for us when we're alone to think that it's not worth doing any of the things that we might actually enjoy doing. Like I know some people don't decorate their apartment, but they really love holiday decorations. So if that's you, go ahead and decorate and, you know, find other ways. I know this year it's probably not going to work because of covid, but, you know, you can if you're used to doing certain things just with romantic partners, maybe open that up to friends and family. Like have your friends over for a tree decorating party and things like that. Again, we can't do that this year and the holiday's already over.

Nichole [00:27:29] But that was another thing, I used to get really sad because I had, someone I dated for a very long time when I was young and we lived together off and on, you know, for most of that. And so I got used to a lot of these things being with a romantic partner. And then later, when I ended up living with other people and having other friends, realizing, like how fun and still really enjoyable it is to do those things with your friends. Like my friend Sarah, who just moved away. But, you know, for the last five years I think, we had this tradition of going to holiday, to Thanksgiving lunch, brunch, with whoever of her family was around. And it just was this really sweet kind of thing. We would find a vegan brunch that was happening on that day and we would all go together and then I would spend the rest the day by myself. So I get to go eat and have a bit of that community and then just, you know, spend the rest the day doing whatever I wanted to do and it was really nice.

Nichole [00:28:33] And it took me a little while to kind of get out of the mindset that like, these things didn't matter because they weren't happening with a romantic partner. They did matter, I love that tradition. And even though we can't have it anymore, it's something that, like is very dear to my heart that I'll remember fondly for a long time. And I'm just really grateful to have felt that sense of like family and community with her and her family. So those are some of my thoughts. I probably have a lot more thoughts, but I just think embracing that you are worth doing fun, comfortable, nourishing, celebratory things for is really the biggest first step that you can take to enjoying the holidays by yourself.

Nichole [00:29:20] All right. My little thing is not showing me comments. OK. Mohera, I think tongue in cheek asked on the last live stream, "How do you politely tell your family to fuck off?" You say, madam, sir, I would appreciate if you would please fuck the fuck off. And that's all you do. And it really helps if you're wearing a monocle and perhaps some white gloves. That's very polite. So no, in all seriousness, I think, like, this is a good time and I know that Mo is working on this. I know a lot of us are working on this, but it is a really good time to set some pretty firm boundaries. And the best way you can politely tell people to fuck off is to just neutrally state what your boundary is and do not explain why. Do you not try to rationalize it or justify it. Just say what it is, make it inarguable, and stick to it. And that's the best you can do.

Nichole [00:30:38] So whatever it is, if you don't want to come visit you just say, I'm not going to come visit this year, this is what I can do though. Maybe we'll have a Skype call, maybe we'll have this or that, whatever it is. But I think where we fall into traps is when we try to explain and justify why we're setting this boundary with someone. And then we fall into the trap of the family stuff where everyone's arguing with you, undermining you, and then a lot of emotions get involved and then you'll find yourself in an argument that you didn't want to be in. Now you can't control, other people may still try to do this to you, but you can just do your best to not engage with it and to just continue to repeat, just come up with one sentence and just continue to repeat that sentence until it's so boring for the other person that they finally give up harassing you about it. So, you know, that sentence could be like, I'm sorry, I just can't make it this year. I hope you all have fun. I'm sorry, I just can't make it this year. I hope you all have fun. And just say it over and over and make it boring for the other person to continue to be up your ass about it.

Nichole [00:31:51] So I got some related questions from, it's either, I think it's Me Got Perc [Megotperc] and Ayoola. So Perc asked, "Do you do New Years resolutions?" And then Ayoola, this ended up creating a big To-Do, which was really fun. I'm interested - I'm paraphrasing what Ayoola said, but I'm interested in what people, especially in other countries, meaning outside of the United States, do to mark time in a way that isn't ableist or fatphobic. As we know, I think New Year's resolutions as a concept shouldn't necessarily be problematic. But I think obviously they've turned into a way to set goals for yourself that tend to center around, you know, your physical appearance or could even be very capitalist. A lot of times it's sort of like goals around like achieving job goals and things like that. Which again, in and of themselves don't necessarily have to be problematic. But as we can see from how much the diet and fitness industries boom at this time of year, it kind of ends up becoming that way, at least in the larger societal framework.

Nichole [00:33:13] So I was like, this is a great question. Let me go out and ask people what they do, and I got some really great responses. Before I get into that, I don't set New Year's resolutions per say. What I tend to do is try to set sort of a theme for the year. And if I can be nerdy for a minute, it's in the spirit of kind of like a scope for a project. So if anyone's worked on a project or done any project management, you have a project scope and it's there to help you always sort of measure what you're setting, what you're doing, what you're working on, is this in scope or out of scope? And then that helps you keep focused on the project and not get scope creep, as we say in the biz, to where you're working on like a bunch of shit. Now, the project's gotten so big and bloated that it's conflated and you can't get it done. And, you know, it's just waste, it's inefficient.

Nichole [00:34:14] So I sort of do the same thing for myself for each year, is I try to pick like what is a big picture kind of overall goal or theme for this year? And you all probably know now for being, some of you have been with me for years. I'm a person who has a lot of ideas, I have a lot of interests, so it's very easy for me to get actually a lot of anxiety and get incredibly overwhelmed every year with all of the things that come into my brain that I want to do. But, you know, obviously I have this whole backlog of stuff that I didn't get done yet. So it's very helpful for me as a way to kind of calm that anxiety and sort of stay on track and make sure, because it's easy for me to start working on 10 or 20 things and then not finishing any of them. So if I have sort of this big picture target to aim at, I can kind of look at stuff and be like, does this fit in? If it doesn't, then I can set it aside, I can put it on like a project dream list, you know, to-do list somewhere I can keep track of it, but I can allow myself to let it go for now.

Nichole [00:35:27] I think that's a part of autism, but it's very hard for my brain, it's the executive function issue right, it's very hard for my brain to prioritize things. So once they're in my brain, they all feel equally important. It's very hard for me to internalize like, oh, this is a thing that doesn't need to happen right now. As soon as my brain thinks it's a good idea, it's like uh, and then I start thinking, well now I've got all these things to do. So it's been very important for me to find a way to have a repository and to be able to let go of stuff. And for me, that's what helps is like, is this on target for the year? And if not, can I find a way to track it somewhere so I don't lose it and I know that it's there and I can go back to it later, but I can allow myself to just let it go. That's very helpful for me. So with that all said, let's see what other people do.

Nichole [00:36:24] So I thought that this was really, really interesting. I haven't had a chance to actually listen to it yet but Marine, my dear darling Marine, sent me a link to this Irresistible podcast episode with Adrian Marie Brown, where she does a guided journaling and spell casting exercise with the audience. It takes about half an hour. You need, you know, something to write on. And yeah, she basically guides you through, like reflecting over the past year, thinking about what you want to manifest for the year coming up. And then she, like, guides you through doing a little spell casting, which I think is fucking great. So I think that could be a really cool - Marine said she's done it for the last three years and she absolutely loves it.

Nichole [00:37:13] So I think that could be a really cool new tradition for people to have where you're still sort of doing that intention setting that I think is at the heart of a New Year's resolution, but doing it in a way that's pretty decolonized and centers around like introspection and self-care and a little bit of witchcraft, which, you know, who doesn't love that? And I didn't do it yet, but I will put the link to this in the video description. I'll try to remember to do it right after we stop broadcasting. And this will be, if you're listening to the podcast version of this, this will be in the show notes, a link to this episode.

Nichole [00:37:55] All right. So I heard from some Southern peeps, southern US, Annie and vroomhonk, which is such a great username. Annie said she drinks Prosecco and eats Black Eyed Peas, and vroomhonk! also said that they eat Black Eyed Peas, which are considered to be good luck in the south, all day. Vroomhonk has them with collard greens. So I'm like, how could you go wrong with eating an amazing legume and drinking some bubbly?

Nichole [00:38:30] Beckylove1 from Instagram said that they still practice first footing, which is a tradition practiced in Scotland. I don't know how to say this word, Hogmanay. I'm sure I just said that way wrong. But that's what the Scots call December 31st. And they have traditions around, you know, bringing in the new year. And so the first footing tradition states that the first foot to cross a home's threshold after midnight is the bringer of good luck for the year, which I thought was really cute. First footing is pretty binary and kind of centered on traditional gender roles, but it sounds like something that would be very easy to adopt, you know, to not be that way. The first foot is supposed to carry with them coal, coin, salt, bread, and my favorite, a wee dram of whiskey, to represent the hope for prosperity, food, flavor, warmth and good cheer for the coming year. So I thought that was really sweet. I thought that was really cool and fun and I think it makes it kind of fun too to, obviously you're staying up past midnight, so it's kind of fun to think of everyone like running outside and then having the first person walk through the threshold with all those goodies.

Nichole [00:39:51] This is a really, another really cool one that I never heard of before. So kreetushka said that their family pours tin. They melt tin over a candle flame and then pour that tin into a bucket of cold water. The shape that the melted tin takes is used to then cast a shadow on the wall with the candle light, and that shadow is supposed to predict each person's future for the coming year. Apparently, this is a German tradition. Their family also leaves food out for their ancestors. It was really sweet, it says they leave food out all night for the spirits of their ancestors to come home so that the ancestors will come home and eat with them, which I thought was very, very bittersweet and cute. And I love the idea of creating a thing. I really like, obviously, I don't want to promote consumption too much, but I do like the idea of having a bit of a little talisman that you get to keep with you for the whole year that represents, you know, what's supposed to happen. I think having that little tin would be a cool thing. So that's what Germans do, apparently.

Nichole [00:41:11] Dear sweet Landon wrote in and said, and this is so funny because when I looked this up, so many people online were like, apparently this is a huge international tradition, I've never heard of it. So, same. But apparently it's a huge international, specifically German, but I guess a lot of people in a lot of countries do it, is to watch Dinner For One with Freddie Frinton and I think it was someone else. When I went to - this link will also be in the show notes in the video description. When I went to it, just so you all know, the intro is in German. So I was like, oh shit and there's no captions. But then when the actual play starts, or the sketch, it's in English so fyi for that. But yeah, it's a quick little, the video that Landon sent was 17 minutes and I guess it's a big tradition for a lot of people to watch this on New Year's Eve.

Nichole [00:42:10] Carriejoy4 said, breaking out a fresh new planner is a very exciting tradition. And I actually have, my bestie had a tradition, I don't know if she still does it, but she used to go to the clearance bin and get specifically a cat or kitten calendar. And then it would be like a big fun deal for her to use that calendar to be her planner for the year. So she would find like the most ridiculous, cheap, it had to be like 99 cents or less, planner or calendar to use every year. And then I would go to her house and she would, you know, have it out and it would be all filled out with things. And it was just, I just thought it was a really sweet little tradition. So yeah, I think for those of us who love being organized and like something tactile, I think having like a physical planner can be a really nice way to mark time and to start to think about, like what we want to accomplish in the year coming up.

Nichole [00:43:14] And then taxonomypress had this very, intriguing to me because I'm not into tarot, work with Tarot Card of the Year and the works card. So I wasn't able to figure out what the works card was, but the tarot card of the year, I found calculations online that you can do to figure out like what your number for the year is and then what card that is and I just thought that was really cool. Again, anything sort of witchy, super down for and I think it's wonderful. So thank you to Perc, Megotperc, Ayoola - it might be Me-go Perc, I don't know. But I just thought that was a really great question. And I always love a chance to connect with other people and ask them questions and find out what other people do and this was, this was really fun.

Nichole [00:44:08] I also found, like, a lot of stuff was centered around food, which is cool. I think that food is a really great way to connect, to nourish. There's just so much like tradition and community bound up in that. It can be problematic, I guess. Of course, if we're vegan and we're looking at things that are traditionally not vegan. But I think in general, you know, I heard for people like lentils was another one that was a sign of good luck so they eat that every day. There was, I can't remember how to say it, but one that was like a traditional Japanese dish that they have for lunch. So I just think, yeah, this idea that you come together with the people that you love and you share a meal and that's kind of a way to mark the beginning of a new year is a really cool tradition. It's probably just the Italian to me. I love anything food related, but I think that that's like a really cool way to bond with other people.

Nichole [00:45:09] For the next question, Everett I know asked this tongue in cheek, but I'm going to answer it anyway. Why do you love us so much? And for those watching the live stream or the video replay, you can see I have a pink diamondy looking heart animation on the screen and I will say you all melt my pink diamond heart. You all have shown me this year, as I mentioned in the beginning with the fundraiser events, I just have this sense... I've had this sense my whole life that I'm like very alone and very on my own. And this year was really the first time that I fully experienced a community coming forward to take care of me. And you can't ask for better than that.

Nichole [00:46:03] Like especially, we've talked about this a lot, but you know, especially as a leftist and an atheist specifically, it's very hard sometimes to find community. I haven't been able to find like queer community to connect with in San Diego. I've struggled to really find like my people. And I think, you know, I underestimated how much like I have found my people. You all are just on the internet, you know? So for this relationship that we have to go from purely digital to something that actually touched and improved my material conditions, that was really amazing. And then it's not even just so much the monetary support, but obviously this split today - uh today - this split this year was very difficult. And to have received so much emotional support, so much encouragement, such an outpouring of love.

Nichole [00:47:06] Even before the split, like with the fundraiser, so many of you made art, made memes, wrote love notes. A lot of you, like when I was going back through to pull everyone's name to put in the presentation, a lot of you had included notes with your donations that were just so touching just to receive. I think for me it's not just like "Thanks to my fans," you know, it's really like everything that I've done is completely and fully me. And so it's like an acceptance of like me as I truly am. Versus, you know, the kind of person I have to be at work or even the kind of person I have to be sometimes with friends or with a partner. I think I've gotten to be the most myself with these platforms that I've created online. And to have people who have been around for years, to have people who show up and care about my well-being and to be really excited and wanting more from me is just like, feels like radical acceptance. And I can't thank you all enough for that. There's just really no words to express how amazing that is.

Nichole [00:48:26] And then on top of that, y'all are just fucking amazing. You're funny as shit, like you're so funny. You all make me laugh all the time. You know, so many things. I always feel like, oh, I can just ask my you know, I can ask these people and someone's going to know whatever it is, like someone's going to know, you know, a bunch of stuff. You're very interesting. A lot of you have like your own very interesting experiences and backgrounds. And so I just feel like this community is very rich, even outside of like me and my platform. I think you all are just really cool, interesting people. So I hope that answers your question, even though I know it wasn't a real question, it was a very real answer. So I love you all very much and I'm just happy to be able to be here today doing this. I honestly had a lot of points in time that I didn't think this would be possible. And not only is it possible, but it's going well and it feels really good. So thank you.

Nichole [00:49:36] Oh, all right. We're here for our last dad joke. Your mother's sense of humor is so dry that my best jokes are your worst, and I think that says it all. I think that sums up our entire whole relationship here, is that you all just pander to me. You let me be my ridiculous self and you let me tell really bad jokes and you encourage it and I could not be more grateful. And that one I got off the internet, so thanks the internet. It was actually really cool, I found this list of jokes, like yo momma jokes, where the person had tried to make them less problematic or to collect ones that weren't like problematic. And I was like, that's really cool. I can respect this project.

Nichole [00:50:39] So in closing, I'll be honest, I wish I had had a bit more time and head space to really think about what I wanted to say here. So I'm going to kind of just wing it. But I do want to say, I think going along this year, something that's occurred to me is that I've realized, I don't know who this is going to resonate with, but I realize that I feel like I'm just constantly in a cycle of recovering from things. And the second I feel like, OK, I'm kind of recovered, there's like a new thing that happens. And that's maybe not like an insight, but it just, I realized how weary I am from that cycle of having to, you know, have something happen.

Nichole [00:51:42] Like right now I feel like I'm just starting to bounce back from the after effects of the stress of everything that happened. Because any time I go through a very stressful event, depending on the level of stress, it takes anywhere from weeks to months for me to recover health wise from that event. So I feel like I'm just starting to pull out of, you know, recovery from, you know, leaving that relationship and having to start a brand new project and figuring everything out and being so scared about everything and how it is going to turn out. Also, having the deep fear around my housing situation, feeling very overwhelmed in general with all of the things that I want and need to do.

Nichole [00:52:31] So yeah, I feel like I just had kind of an endless run of, oh, I'm like recovering from this thing that happened and like, then I'll start to live, you know? And that's life. Like, there's nothing any of us could have done - well, maybe on a macro level. But there's nothing any of us could have done to prevent covid this year, that was going to happen. That's not under our individual control, at least. So, you know, that's a stressor. Things are always going to happen that are going to throw you off. But I think the reason I wanted to bring this up is because it has occurred to me that I really deeply want to try to have a life where I'm not just constantly recovering from things. And I struggle with that because a lot of the stuff I'm constantly recovering from is my relationships to other people and my, you know, hopes for what those relationships will be.

Nichole [00:53:34] So... I just think, you know, I feel that there's this evolution of coming around to wanting to protect my life and myself. And I think that I get lost a lot in my dreams and hopes for, you know, other people and what's going to happen. But I want to be more grounded in reality. I want to be able to meet people where they're at, not where I wish that they were at and be able to interact with them and engage with them on that level. And if someone's not in a place where they're going to be able to be a good partner, a good friend, a good like romantic partner, whatever it is. A good person to collaborate with, whatever it is, that I'm able to just like let them go with love and not get swept up in, like what they need, what I think they need or how I can make their lives better. You know, things like that. I just really want to, as much as possible, preserve a life where I'm not constantly in recovery.

Nichole [00:54:53] And, you know, discovering that I was autistic was like a big part of this. Like really for the first time, deeply understanding how much I was twisting myself up in so many ways, in so many ways to, you know, be something for other people that was literally causing me to be sick and to be in pain. Yeah, just embracing like this life that doesn't need to be recovered from. Trying to live a life - and that means, like, I have to stop being so hard on myself. I have to stop beating myself up all the time and trying to prove that I'm worthy by doing things that aren't natural to me or things that are really exhausting.

Nichole [00:55:41] You know, I talked about like, just looking at the activities I'm participating in and understanding, like if this is something that's hard for me, it's almost definitely always going to be hard for me at this point. Like, if I've done it enough, I've gotten enough practice and exposure and it's still really hard or it's still really draining, then to just understand and accept like that is always going to be a hard or draining activity for you and is it worth it? And sometimes it might be. But I think if I'm being honest, there's a lot of stuff that I've done that is just because I think it's a thing that makes me a good person or I think it's the thing that makes me more valuable in some kind of symbolic sense. Right, it adds to my value as like a human on the earth.

Nichole [00:56:28] And you know, a lot of that when I dismantle it, when I interrogate it, is steeped in a lot of ableism or a lot of capitalist values. And, you know, it's, we have talked about it a lot on previous shows, and it's something that just constantly recurs in my own life. But it's amazing how much we've internalized those ideals and values, even if we're just so fundamentally against those things. It doesn't matter. You know, it's still something that you judge yourself on. Like I still judge myself every single day if I'm not getting tasks done. Even if I can look and see that I need rest, like I deeply need rest. And some days I do stuff rather than doing things that are good for myself or things that I'm more in the mood for. I do things because I think it's like a higher value thing to do. And I want very much to stop that cycle. I very much want to have a different experience of the world.

Nichole [00:57:41] I joke a lot about my age, but it does scare me that I'm like technically, I guess, middle age or approaching it. And I feel like so much of my life has been spent just being exhausted and trying to get over things, you know, having one thing after another happen where I'm like, oh, I just have to, like, push past this. I have to get past this. I have to try to recover from this. I have to, I have to get over this person, right? I have to have my heart stop breaking. I have to push through something that's frustrating or annoying or draining or difficult. And like eventually in this nebulous future, someday I'll have this life where things aren't so hard.

Nichole [00:58:21] And, you know, I think that's what I mean by my age, is that like, well, if it hasn't happened by thirty nine, it's probably not going to just happen that way, right? You're probably not going to keep pushing and pushing and pushing and then one day magically somehow things are easy if it hasn't happened by now. So, you know, just taking, I guess, a bit more ownership of that process and just trying to be like very brutally honest with myself of my participation in those things. Again, there's so much that's out of my control. But I can be honest and say there is also a lot that is within my control and there's a lot of stuff that I've internalized holding me to continuing to do these things that make things difficult. Continuing to put myself in situations that I then have to recover from or whatever, because I don't value myself enough to protect my health, my autonomy, my joy, you know? So that's my deep 2020 thoughts, I guess.

Nichole [00:59:33] And then just looking forward, I think what I can say in line with that is I'm just going to seek pleasure. And it's not a new concept. You know, I'm not trying to appropriate from Adrienne Maree Brown or any of these other powerhouses who are out here talking about things like pleasure activism. I think like we should all be applying that to wherever we can. So like the work that we do, even that exercise that we do or the food that we cook or whatever we put our hands on every day. Like, can we find ways to enjoy this and make it pleasurable? Sometimes we can't. I don't want to slip into, like, toxic positivity with this.

Nichole [01:00:15] But, you know, for instance, with the show, I really was feeling like I had to have a co-host. And I still want to work with other people but, and I have to thank, Mo, for kind of like talking me through this a lot this year. But, you know, I realized there's some stuff I want to talk about that, like, I just want to talk about it. I want to be able to go deep dive on to it the way that I want to do it. And I need to understand that, like, I have value in and of myself and that I don't need to have, like, the gimmick of another person to deliver that stuff. And I want you to understand, like, my guests are definitely not gimmicks. But if that makes sense, like it kind of felt like no one's going to just listen to me talk, why would they? But, you know, coming around to like there's things I want to talk about, like my collaboration with Kai on both platforms was incredible, but I have a whole page of notes of stuff that I really wanted to talk about that we didn't get to on either episode. And just realizing like, well, why don't I just do an episode about that myself, by myself and be able to dig into that and really feel that there's value in that for other people.

Nichole [01:01:32] So I think just that, you know, looking at like what do I love doing, what I really want to do and finding ways to do that and cutting out wherever I can the stuff that doesn't fall into that. Because again, I get a lot of ideas, I'm all over the place. So yeah, finding value in my own shit is a big one for me for 2021. And I think, you know, I recognize the privilege in that because I haven't had this privilege before to be able to feel that way. But I've tried to apply that even to my professional work as well. I've told you all I've gotten some offers this year, but I just knew that they would kill my soul. So I'm trying to make this independent thing work as best I can to have a bit more autonomy over, you know, let me pick the projects that, like, really work for me. And maybe have to live with a lot less, but be able to do stuff that I enjoy and not fall into this trap of like...

Nichole [01:02:43] I mean, there's some very valid things to think about, like health, you know, like benefits, health care, a regular paycheck. These are all very 401k, like these are all very valid things. But I realize that for me the pull often was to have that social acceptance of like having a good job because, you know, having grown up poor, having struggled so much in my early twenties - actually my entire 20s - the idea of having that kind of public approval was very intriguing to me. Like to be able to - I remember the first time I wasn't embarrassed to say what I did for work, and that was a big deal. You know, like I remember the first time I was actually proud to say what I did for work. And there's a lot to unpack there. You know, a lot of that was, like no one should be embarrassed about their job. But we also understand what I'm talking about. And I just remember that feeling of like someone would ask me what I did for work and just being excited and like people time and time again would just say that I, like, lit up and that it was just so clear that I really liked what I was doing. And I don't want to lose that.

Nichole [01:03:54] You know, a lot of people like roll their eyes at me for being a content creator, and that's fine. And it is pretty ridiculous in a way, but I love it. And anyone who's met me in any real capacity knows, like especially outside of this universe. Like everyone knows about the show, everyone knows everything about the show. And if you're going to be a person of my life, like you're going to hear me talking about ideas that I have for the show or wanting to show off like artwork or something. Like it's just such a huge thing that I love so much. And I'm just going to do everything I can to make it my focus as much as I can.

Nichole [01:04:38] And that's been a journey for me. I'm not a person who in years past would have walked away from a stable thing to risk it for this. But I think when you go through, like, pretty severe burnout or you just, you know, there's a lot of different experiences you can have, I think, like, yeah, there's just a change that comes over you hopefully, and I know it did for me, that I was like, I'm not living. You know, I'm finally able to pay my bills and I have a nice retirement account and I'm on a path to get somewhere where maybe I won't be underpaid at some point. And, you know, and I have a job that people might think is a great job, but I am miserable and I'm sick and I can't do this much longer.

Nichole [01:05:29] So to bring it, to circle back to the beginning, I have to thank all of you for making this even remotely possible for me to do. If I didn't have an audience already and if I hadn't gotten some monetary help, you know, in the donations that we've always received, like, this would not be something that I could have changed my life to attempt. And that means more to me than I think I can really express properly via like a webcam or a microphone. But it really is a big deal.

Nichole [01:06:12] I've always been a creative person, but also a very practical person. And to find a way to intertwine the two has been so liberating and so validating. And I have, ever since I started doing the show, like online work, I've just had so much more confidence and it helped me have more confidence in my job. It helped me have more of an attitude with people in what I think is a good way. I've just kind of being like, fuck you. I know there's people out here who think I'm great, who agree with my ideas. I know I'm not alone in this stuff. So yeah, this work has really bled into every aspect of my life in a great way and I'm just so grateful to be here and to be able to show up in a way that is finally truly authentic to how I feel and who I am and what I want to do. And so just thank you all for supporting that.

Nichole [01:07:15] So all of that smooshy stuff aside, I just yeah, I want to say thanks everyone. Thanks for tuning in today. I, to have a little bit of admin here at the boring admin here at the end. There's a Instagram boycott going on. I don't know if you all have heard about it, but Facebook and Instagram have updated their policies yet again to be even more targeting people who are sex workers or who are BIPOC, queer, lefties, make things more difficult for them. Instagram now, I believe, owns all of your images and can use them however they want. So there's a big call on the left for people to boycott Instagram and finally make the move over to Mastodon, which is like a social media platform but that's run in a, you know, ethical way. I'm still learning about it so I'll have more information in the future.

Nichole [01:08:20] So anyway, just all to say, I'm very stressed out about this because as you all know, Instagram is the only platform I feel like I've mastered in anyway, so I feel like I'm losing, you know, like my one real platform. So anyway, I'm in the process of transitioning. I will, we've actually just created a Discord. We're still getting it set up but a new Discord will be ready soon. So I just ask you in the coming weeks and months to consider other alternative places to follow me and connect with other people in the community so that we can maybe finally officially get off of these platforms that are so problematic. It's really difficult to spend so much time building up a following on a platform and then to have something like this happen is pretty devastating, honestly.

Nichole [01:09:14] So, you know, if you've been hearing about, like Mastodon, go check it out. Consider signing up. If you've been hearing about Discord and you're intimidated because you've never been on it, I felt that way, too, but I actually really love it now. Consider checking it out. And just to help us all I think finally take a stand. And I think, like, we really need to grow our own spaces. I'm even looking into YouTube alternatives, and I think I might just post to both in the future so that I also have something other than YouTube. Because, as you all know, YouTube loves to cancel my ass and delete my account for no reason.

Nichole [01:09:54] So I think there's a good call out, and I support it, that we need to really take charge of populating and having spaces that are going to be safe from these major corporations so that we can reliably have income. We can reliably get our message out there. We can reliably connect and talk to each other and to not be spied on and to not have our shit stolen and to have our accounts deleted out of nowhere. I just think that that's really important. And I know a lot of you are already aware of and participating in these things, but I think a lot of you also are not, probably like me, have kind of like thought about it but, you know, haven't really looked into it. So something to consider as we go into 2021. I just think all of the, it just seems like corporations are increasing their efforts to monitor us, to control the flow of information. It's always been a problem, but I just feel like it's gotten worse and worse in recent years, like very notably worse. And so I think like the time is now. The time is yesterday probably to yeah, build up our platforms that we can control and have that stability and our activism and in our creative content and in our connections to each other.

Nichole [01:11:18] Oh, with all of that said, my goodness. Thank you. Thanks everyone for tuning in today. However, you're listening to this, if you're on YouTube, if you haven't already, like, subscribe, click the bell for notifications. I tried to do a callout to get to a thousand subs and I think I got like four new followers. Didn't work. I don't think that's anyone's fault, a lot of people tried to help out. I just think people who know about me are already subscribed. And then, you know, I'm just having trouble hitting new audiences, which is fine. But if somehow you're here and you enjoyed anything you've heard from me and you haven't subscribed yet, please do. It would help me out quite a bit.

Nichole [01:12:02] I did start a twitch. I haven't used it yet. I would be interested to see if people who regularly use Twitch or maybe are on there think that it would be worth it to live stream these episodes to Twitch? Otherwise, I think I'm just going to keep it to eventually play video games on and just have it be like a chill hangout space. You know, Twitter, Discord coming soon, Facebook. I am actually going to try to get away from Facebook as well, but I think I'll just have an account and not use it because I do like live streaming to Facebook. So anyway, these are ways you can follow. If you want to contribute financially, you can go to patreon.com/pynkspots and contribute there. I also have a PayPal link in the show notes if you want to make a one-time donation and that's it.

Nichole [01:12:56] Thanks everyone for coming today. Goodbye 2020, hello 2021. I'm excited to go into this New Year with all of you. Very excited about that. I'm very excited about what we're going to be doing on this platform. One thing I do want to announce that I'm very excited about. So the next episode is going to be with Mohera, which I'm super excited about. We're going to be talking about all things education. She's going to talk about being a woman of color in STEM and the ways that like, academia replicates capitalistic values. Very excited for that collaboration. And then in February, hopefully around Valentine's Day, I'm going to be collaborating with Mexie and Catherine to talk about sex.

Nichole [01:13:44] So I don't know if you all have watched Mexie's new video about the way we talk about sex, sex work, and sex liberation on her channel, Mexie. But I highly recommend it and it's facilitated a huge amount of conversation. The comments in that video, we just had, they hosted a talk on Discord today that was very active. So I was like, we need to do a live stream about this, this would be really fun. So look for that coming in February. And then lots of other really great stuff. So thank you all again. For those in live stream, definitely doing an after party. I'm going to go grab some champagne and come back, I'll play the little outro video. For those of you listening to the replay or on the podcast, I will see you next time.

Pynk Spots

004 Holiday Celebratory Retrospective!

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